Yes, the human/animal bond and the ways in which animals benefit us are becoming more recognized. Many studies have documented the health benefits of living with pets, for example, in lowering blood pressure and stress. Pet therapy programs, where teams of dogs and handlers visit hospitals and nursing homes, are very popular. Stories of service dogs helping a disabled person lead a more independent life appear frequently. Dogs are also helping children with autism, and alerting someone with epilepsy to the onset of a seizure. I believe there is almost no limit to what dogs can be trained to do. They are also being openly acknowledged as family members. Natural disasters such as hurricanes have demonstrated that people would risk their lives rather than leave their pets behind. This reality has forced a shift in the thinking of disaster preparedness organizations, and they now know that they must also provide a safe place for pets. In fact, some therapy dogs are now part of crisis response teams that comfort victims of mass casualty events.

Another trend I’ve noticed is pets are often named in a person’s obituary, in the mention of surviving loved ones. And sometimes the deceased is pictured with their pet. Now there is greater recognition and acceptance of pets as beloved family members.

Recognition of the human/animal bond is increasing, and when the bond is broken through loss of the pet, our society is becoming more sensitive to pet loss and bereavement. But we still have a long way to go.

The major difference is the lack of understanding and emotional support you can expect to receive. You feel completely alone. If a human family member dies, there is a funeral and a time of mourning. The pet owner, however, must hide their grief or feel foolish expressing it. Very few people will understand what that relationship meant to you, and most will not know what to say, so they say nothing, or worse, they’ll say something like, “It was only a dog. You can get another one.” Because of this lack of understanding, you tend to hide your grief and not express it. But if you bottle up your grief, you will not be able to heal. The one message I would like to convey in my books is it’s okay to feel sad. You’ve lost a treasured, significant relationship. They really are our best friends, our companions through good and bad times.

Many people are unprepared for the emotional aftermath of losing their pet. Because the pet is totally dependent on you, it is easy to be lulled into thinking that it will live forever, that you have the power to keep it from harm. Due to better nutrition and veterinary care, pets are living longer, but as they age, they become vulnerable to diseases such as cancer. My experience in caring for dogs with cancer was that I progressed from shock and denial at the diagnosis, to the point that I became closely attuned to their day-to-day feelings. I understand the stress that caregivers experience. It is emotionally draining and exhausting. But I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

It’s important to accept that you will go through a period of very intense feelings, and you will not be able to carry on your normal activities at your usual pace. You may feel overwhelmed, unable to concentrate, and experience sleep disturbances. You need to be kind to yourself and recognize that this will pass. Perhaps take a vacation that you may have postponed during the pet’s illness. You will experience the stages of grief that accompany the loss of any significant relationship – anger, denial, guilt, depression, and finally, acceptance. No one can predict how long this will last; it is very individual. These feelings are completely normal; there is nothing weird or crazy about feeling them or expressing them. Sharing your feelings with others who understand can be very helpful. Many communities have pet loss support groups, and there are online groups as well.

There are also rituals that can help to honor your pet’s memory. These include memorial donations to a humane society, planting a beautiful bush or tree in the pet’s memory, creating a book of favorite photos, or simply writing a letter to the pet to say how much it meant to you. One of the stories in Angel Pawprints mentions placing a family photo in the pet’s grave, to signify all the people who loved him. I found that suggestion very comforting. There are also numerous pet loss web sites where you can post a tribute. The point is it’s okay to do whatever comforts you.

The decision to euthanize a pet is truly the most difficult one a pet owner ever makes. You feel that you’re betraying the love and trust the pet has in you. In addition to the loss, you can be haunted by questions of did I do it too soon, might the pet have gotten better, or did I wait too long, did my pet suffer? What you must remember is you made the best decision you could at the time, and you didn’t kill your pet, the disease killed your pet.

I recommend that to the extent that you can plan for this situation, you should do so. Ask your veterinarian what to expect with the trajectory of the pet’s illness. What are the signs of pain or decline? It’s helpful to keep a log, noting any changes in your pet. Discuss the euthanasia procedure and decide whether you want to be present. Does your community have a mobile hospice vet who will come to your home? This service is growing in popularity because it can provide a peaceful end in the pet’s familiar environment. Think about the disposition of remains. Ask about cremation and pet cemeteries. Although some pets will pass away on their own, many must be helped along when quality of life is diminished. If you plan for this, you won’t have to make hasty decisions that you may later wish you had done differently.

Regardless of how your pet leaves you, remember always that your time together is a precious gift. A pet’s love is forever, and they live on in our hearts and memories.